The First 100 … Beginning with I:

   

1.    Am a motherless daughter.

2.    Wear her sapphire cross – Sapphire was her favorite precious stone.

3.    Look for beauty … in the simplest of things.

4.    Am disturbed by the audible sound of a ticking clock – uh huh.

5.    Am amused by cuckoo clocks – they always make me smile on the inside.

6.    Had honey-colored hair for many years – it no longer fits my temperament.

7.    Now have long, dark hair with a silver-streak – it fits.

8.    Have, over time, acquired several nick-names:  Stormy, Starry, Lacey AND stupid cunt - so-named, by a Psychopath Extraordinaire.  None of them stuck, except one. 

9.    Know the power that words have – to help heal, or to be destructive – so i choose wisely, as we all would do well to do, until the time comes not to do so.

10.  Don’t mind having truth used to cause emotional/psychological pain – as long as it is used constructively. If it hurts, it must need tending.

11.  Believe much can be revealed from a kiss. And a handshake. And Shoes.

12.  Cannot imagine a world without music.

13.  Consider being thought of as strange, unusual, different, peculiar, odd, eccentric, ‘unique,’ or weird as complimentary – i usually just smile and say Thanks!

14.  Am an artist, at heart – not a writer, but am feeling inclined to indulge myself and work past some things and into others, through this medium.

15.  Have made life-altering decisions which have thrown me far, far off course.

16.  Value honesty, loyalty, strength, patience, integrity and character.

17.  Really need (love) to laugh until i cry.

18.  Think naughty thoughts when i wear, or see others wear, pearls.

19.  Appreciate driving ranges and batting cages for relieving aggression and just plain fun.

20.  Like shooting weapons, but will never again kill a defenseless animal.

21.  Have always wanted to race a muscle, or drag car and sky-dive – oh, and bungee jump – for the adventure and the rush.

22.  Adore lingerie, corsets, boots, shoes, wigs, make-up, my signature scent and feeling sexy, feminine and beautiful.

23.  Haven’t felt those things for a very long time.

24.  Have a pierced nose and one very-well-placed tattoo.

25.  Long ago, had a lovely shade of OD green hair (i was very young and not afraid to experiment – i was rebellious) – and lived in OC, CA.

26.  Am fascinated by most all things dark and mysterious.

27.  Actually love Winter for the promise of renewal – detest the cold, yet welcome the snow … freshly fallen snow.

28.  Often use the seasons as a metaphor for experiences and emotions.

29.  Worshiped the ground my GGGpa walked upon – He was my hero.

30.  Still feel the vacancy he left in my life.

31.  Met the bio-donor when i was 16 – He thanked the step-father for doing such a ‘wonderful’ job of ‘raising’ me … yeah. right.

32.  Work diligently to forgive and overcome my childhood, shame, guilt, insecurities and feelings of abandonment.

33.  Was desensitized to blood while a youngster – Blood doesn’t phase me – i’ve seen too much of it.

34.  Don’t believe in accidents; Only Lessons.

35.  Find it extremely difficult to make myself vulnerable, unless i trust you and that never comes easily.

36.  Feel that intimacy and trust should never be used against someone.

37.  Am at peace when in Nature and feel most like myself when by, on, or near the ocean.

38.  Crave intensity, intimacy and someone to call my own – guess that makes me greedy.

39.  Yearn for someone who is strong, patient, determined, persistent and wise enough to see into me and be willing to work past those walls that have been erected to protect myself, despite myself. A lot to ask, i know. 

40.  Walk in the rain and meditate in high places whenever possible – where the wind is always present.

41.  Find art is ‘therapy’ for me – clay, alabaster, paint and graphite; liberating.

42.  Brush my teeth in the shower, take two-hour, candle-lit baths and pluck my eyebrows without benefit of a mirror.

43.  Am more inclined to see truth in actions, rather than words.

44.  Consider friends treasures.

45.  Am slow to trust, but when i do – you get my all.

46.  Refuse to numb myself with anti-depressants.

47.  Have seen so much death that i feel i can survive just about anything – except losing my only remaining son.

48.  Miss the south; the sound of crickets singing their summer song, frogs croaking, fireflies and even the heat – especially the heat. Under the sunshine – i thrive. (Update: have returned to my beloved south.)

49.  Can keep a secret … Forever.

50.  Like old cemetaries, a lot.

51.   Am not afraid of death and dying, but can be unnerved by experiencing the paranormal.

52.   Believe in the forces of Good and Evil … Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist – just take a look inside. ~wink~

53.   Am drawn to earthen, woodsy, spiced aromas – and clean citrus, but especially … well, there is just something about a man, a very special kind of man.

54.   Enjoy a Sherman’s clove cigarette and cognac, but rarely drink these days.

55.   Thoroughly enjoy the ‘Sport of Kings,’ but am horrified with what becomes of those beautiful, majestic animals once they are injured, or have slowed in making their owners money – it makes me nauseous and outraged.

56.   Prefer my cats to some people.

57.   Would have a wildlife sanctuary if i had the money, heh.

58.   Gleefully went nearly seven years without the television – didn’t miss it and got a lot accomplished.

59.   Need to quit smoking, but am in dread of the inevitable weight gain that accompanies it – same reason i refuse anti-depressants. Time for healthier ‘habits.’

60.   Have a dry sense of humor and appreciate the language of sarcasm – even when it bites me back.

61.    Know that the mind often speaks a strange and brutal language – not always understood by some.

62.   Try to convince myself that my parents did their best.

63.   Was mother to my siblings by the age of 15 – i still resent the losses.

64.   Managed to make it to college later and would have graduated with Honors – i am proud of that.

65.   Was unable to complete my education … that is one of my greatest disappointments.

66.   Have made many decisions based on whether, or not, it would make someone else happy – Huge Mistake.

67.   Blame no one, but myself.

68.   Admire intelligence, intensity, emotional intelligence, insight, wit and a sense of humor.

69.   Value my freedom, but ache to be possessed. This awful freedom is empty.

70.   Go mad when wet cock brushes the inside of my thigh … Holy Trigger!

71.   Seek out spiritual experiences.

72.   Can be driven to want to crawl inside you.

73.   Have a big heart and sometimes wear it on my sleeve – to my detriment.

74.   Feel positively buoyant when riding a motorcycle, or riding with the top down.

75.   Need a certain amount of solitude – for creative purposes, or just clearing out the cobwebs.

76.   Stayed 15 long years with my son’s father – because it was the right thing to do … i was wrong.

77.   Never married, but think about it from time to time.

79.   Loved more than i have been loved and V-a-V – i now search for balance.

80.   Still believe in the power of love – it’s all that remains when all else falls away.

81.   Laugh when i get nervous, bake when i’m restless and walk, or drive when i need to think – i love to drive.

82.   Wear only my signature scent, but am inclined to wear Coco when in a certain headspace, or mood.

83.   Need Him to care enough to make me cry, hurt me until i feel, pain me … until i fly – and have the ability to bring me back.

84.   Need enough pain and discipline to keep me grounded, enough inspiration and love to bring me to my knees.

85.   Accept the darkness and need you to be yourself – nothing more, nothing less. All, or nothing – i want all that you are … no lukewarm BS.

86.   Always wanted a baby girl – The Divine Creator had other plans for me.

87.   Know nobody can beat me better than i can chastise and beat myself.

88.   Think most unhappiness is caused by comparison.

89.   Want to bathe in you; your essence, your light, your dark – all of You.

90.   Have wasted so much time.

91.   Watch the Moon, the night sky and still look for pictures in the clouds.

92.   Was once very athletic – i would like that body back.

93.   Have aged considerably in the last seven years.

94.   Cannot – not – stay busy when i am fulfilled and satisfied with life.

95.   Procrastinate – it is an evil i need to overcome – i need motivation and discipline.

96.   Spend far too much time in my head; over-analyzing and questioning.

97.   Find it near impossible to ask for help – it makes me feel ashamed, weak and embarrassed.

98.   Will go out of my way to help another – for selfish reasons:  it makes me feel good.

99.   Search for meaning, reason and purpose – Home.

100. Am confident, loving, hopeful, generous and kind – despite what has been revealed above.

101. I could easily go a hundred more!