The Next Hundred Things: I …

1. Thoroughly enjoy watching boxing, kick-boxing and extreme/ultimate fighting.
Be prepared for a running commentary if you watch with me – i cain’t help it!

2. Need to draw, paint, sculpt and journal again – i need to get this out of me.

3. Want to get all this clanging out of my head – i feel overwhelmed by the
need for it all to be released.

4. Am misunderstood and misinterpreted much of the time.

5. Really don’t care to draw much attention to myself.

6. Am so accustomed to disappoinment that i actively look for the potential -
then wait. It’s just another way of cutting down on the element of surprise.

7. Am not above actively seeking out weaknesses, especially Yours.

8. Would do just about anything for the ‘right man.’

9. Have been told that i am so smart that i am stupid … smack!

10. Absolutely loathe that fucking word.

11. Never allowed it (or Shut-up) to be used – by anyone – in my home.

12. Believe there are more constructive/creative ways to chastise someone.

13. There are just some things i will never tolerate.

14. Am often considered difficult by some and truly don’t care.

15. Have been through far too much to try and please some selfish, vain, narcissistic ass.

16. Can be very thoughtful and loving, despite my temper and attitude.

17. Rarely allow my temper to get the best of me, so it is rarely seen.

18. Do have triggers that you should NOT want to play with.

19. Can sometimes be so calm that people clearly get nervous.

20. Am a morose and morbid woman, on occasion.

21. Express it in my creations …

22. They are often described as disturbing.

23. Walk my cats on a harness (i sometimes think i can hear them plotting their
revenge.)

24. Have, throughout my life, been told that i look like Ava Gardner, Rita
Hayworth, Natalie Wood, Sara Evans, and Martina McBride – now i just look old.

25. Would be a ‘effin genius if i could remember a tenth of what i read.

26. Have a terrible memory for a myriad of reasons.

27. Which is why i decided to journal again, online.

28. Needed more focus.

29. Was once told i had a ‘vitriolic tongue.’

30. Loved Him for it – For his Honesty.

31. Have a deep appreciation for someone who sees value in me.

32. Demand honesty. If you break my hard-earned trust, well, let’s just say
that, more than likely, it would be the beginning of the end.

33. Am difficult to know, but i have my reasons. What they don’t know, can’t
hurt me.

34. You rarely get a second chance.

35. Consider my nature to be hyper-sensitive, fiercely loyal AND detached.

36. Love toasted, cinammon-raisin bagels with honey & cream cheese.

37. Find gay men and women to be some of the most down-to-earth, honest, open
people, on the face of the planet, and some of the best when it comes to humor.

38. Miss my friends.

39. And going to concerts,

40. And being surrounded by my belongings.

41. Everything i own is in storage, including my art supplies.

42. Am writing to alleviate the pressure of the need to create … something.

43. Perhaps i will find a niche and decide to stay a while.

44. Want an art studio.

45. Have an entire line of porcelain dolls, in my head, that i want to bring to
life, one at a time – All fantasy and fairytale creatures.

46. Love Interior Design and decorating; no white walls for me, i need color!

47. Want you to understand it’s more spiritual, than monetary.

48. Will always choose love over money, but power and money rule the world.

49. Live with my ex, in a platonic relationship. It’s complicated.

50. Hate this place in so many ways.

51. Miss waking up happy.

52. Have had all the broken and/or fractured bones located on the left side of
my body. Bad knee is on the right.

53. Have a music to fit every mood.

54. Love roller-coasters – the faster and scarier, the better.

55. Detest gyms – They smell, they’re boring, and are what i consider meat
racks.

56. Worked in them when i was young.

57. Would rather go for a walk, or hike, cycle, or swim – just about anything
outdoors, requiring physical exertion, rather than be in some health club, yuk.

58. Love the sauna though – i always have time to meander through some naughty
thoughts/fantasies when i’m in that kind of steamy heat.

59. Hiked the Grand Canyon and took pics of all the domesticated (used to human
presence) wild animals that couldn’t seem to get close enough to me – it was
alarming, yet exhilerating, i tell ya!

60. Love rock climbing, rafting, roller-blading, walking in the rain. Give me
fresh air and sunshine (or a thunderstorm) and i’m good.

61. Used to ride (motorcycles) into the mountains of my home state, with
friends, to go skinny-dipping in the natural hot springs – that was decadent fun!

62. Sit with my back to the wall and face the door, usually. Know your exits.

63. Mm … controlled aggression.

64. Feel ‘something’ in the air. Change being just one of those things.

65. Am deeply grateful for the blessing of having found the blogs which i now
read. i’ve always believed the ‘messengers’ arrive when the time is right.

66. Enjoy wearing hats, of all kinds … and combat boots. heh.

67. Really feel like being fucked into an altered state right now.

68. Do not like bell peppers, un-cooked onions, beets and creamed corn makes me
gag. Seriously. It’s ok to laugh.

69. Had a dog named Solo, who won the ‘ugliest dog contest’ – He took home the
trophy. He may have been a snaggle-toothed mess, but he was my best friend.

70. Was gifted a seal-point Siamese cat, from my mother, for my 15th B-day – He
was cross-eyed, so i named him Cowboy.

71. Could out-run, out-hit (a baseball), and climb a tree faster than any boy.

72. Was always picked first when we gathered to play ball.

73. Have been chased by a snake – a Blue Racer. i was kicking up some serious
dust, barefoot … and, i was screaming to high heaven! i was 11.

74. Once shot an owl, at night – we were ‘spot-lighting’ – thinking it was a
racoon, i shot it. i never killed again, not intentionally. Have wanted to kill
a few two-leggeds though.

75. Know you are wondering why i killed racoons; For their pelts. It was Blood
Money.

76. Am nauseated by the smell of Old Spice – Bad Trigger.

77. Am a cynic and a skeptic, but have managed to remain sensitive, by some
miracle.

78. Love dressing up, dressing down and dressing for the One i Love – especially
in whatever he chooses.

79. Adore being a woman, but am not afraid to work hard and get my hands dirty.

80. Am either much loved, and/or often hated by other women. ~ shrug ~

81. Don’t trust most women. i find them to be catty, competitive, cut-throat, back-
stabbing, gossiping, two-faced, manipulative, insecure, jealous bitches – who will fuck your man at the first opportunity.

82. Am NOT one of those women.

83. The ones i do trust are considered treasured friends.

84. Have spent the better part of my life hiding my ‘true’ nature.

85. Admire understated elegance.

86. Am a people-watcher.

87. Always want to know what makes us tick.

88. Consider myself a life-long learner.

89. Can still do a back bend and touch my toes to my nose.

90. Have been known to disappear.

91. Once lived in a hospital in San Francisco, so i never had to leave my first
-born son’s side. He was three months premature, due to a congenital anomaly.

92. He died five and a half months later, due to renal failure. i wanted to die too.

93. Have asked my only remaining son to place one-third of my ashes on his
grave, the second third into the wind, off the Morro Bay Coast – and, the last
third will have to remain a mystery.

94. Was going to have my best friend play George Winston’s – Thanksgiving at my
memorial service, if i went first. She died six months after i moved away. She
was only 34. i still miss her.

95. Am not always intentionally morbid – it just comes naturally.

96. Need to lighten up, but life has forced me to see with eyes adjusted to the
dark. Once darkness has found you, it never forgets who you are.

97. Wonder who will be there, holding my hand, when it’s my turn.

98. Believe we return to The Divine Source.

99. Think we are born into Hell.

100. Hope i’ve learned what i needed to, this time around.

101. Am ready when the call comes and want no tears shed. i’ll finally be free of
this soul-cage. i will have found peace, at last.