That was the question …
***
Today, I decided to pay a visit to OGAG (i just adore that acronym) and this is the topic of the week, so I decided to weigh in on the subject, for once.
Love or Sex? That’s an easy one to answer – Both, preferably.
If I had to choose only one? – it would most certainly be love.
In my relationships, I’ve never been able to separate the two with any success.
It always took a standard course: I liked him, enjoyed his company, became interested in spending more time with him, we became friends and it went from the brain to the heart, to below the waist and into one of the several relationships I’ve shared with a few men during my four-odd decades on this earth.
It was always a predictable path for me.
The one-night stand I -tried- to have? turned into many, long years with one man. So much for that!
Although I’m no angel, I did finally manage.
But, back to the issue of love vs. sex: Personally, when I am passionate about, deeply involved with, and intimate with a man who ‘fits’ me – I commit and love, deeply. And that leads into my becoming insatiable, devoted, protective, and yes, even possessive – maybe a bit obsessive.
Although, considering my patterns: once the love (trust) began to fade, or fail, so did the desire and craving for my partner, so that simplifies and defines my lovestyle, right down to the nutshell. I cannot have one without the other, but I can live without sex, and have done so for quite some time now.
I’ve also been without love in my life, for a very long time.
If you’ve read here for any amount of time, you are already aware of the fact that, for me – A return to love is, and can be, frightening at times; it can be needy, dependent, volatile and mutable. Love can also be taken for granted and abused, and lose its fire for myriad reasons – some of which I’ve written about in this blog. It hasn’t always been an easy path for me, But …
I loved the men that I became involved with – even when the love felt more like a comfortable, faded pair of jeans. But, I much prefer fire, and have experienced that – up-close and personal – with just one man, thus far.
It was the kind of love one both hopes for, and fears.
To want, to need … to desire someone – That. Much. – The type of love that burns white-hot, with the potential of burning itself out quickly if one, or both, partners intent is not rooted in honesty and a firm foundation and, reciprocity and trust. It was a love that had the potential to utterly destroy; and that, my friend, is the depth of devotion that scares the hell out of me, but I still yearn for that surrender. It was an all-consuming, obsessive, aggressive and even dangerous love, but it was also, or rather, has the potential to be, above all else – extraordinarily beautiful, invigorating, life-enhancing, and even life-changing.
If not always for the better.
Do I need to be loved and, do I want to love again? Of course I do.
I don’t take it lightly and, don’t fall into it easily. But, once I do – oh, God.
And Sex? Bah! Sex can be had easily, if that’s what one is looking for – that just isn’t my style.
Love is the path I invariably must take to get to the intimacy and intricacies of sex.
I don’t need a pacifier: I will fight for love – I will not fight for sex.
If I had to give up sex for love? I could – and have, in the past.
Would I choose passion, obsession, intensity, soul-baring intimacy, volatility and risk, with sex – over a comfortable, easy-going, stable, predictable, more companionable and less gratifying love, without much sex, or none?
You bet I would.
***
